For a Weary Heart

It's been a BUSY past few weeks.

School. Family. Money. School. Interning. A messy house. Losing Sleep. Crazy Sugars. Oh yeah, and I said school right?

This morning my sugar was 50; such a low that my fast heartbeat is what woke me up. Yeah...

Not to mention my body hasn't adjusted to waking up early.

But right now I feel pretty great.
I really do.

I've had these crazy urges lately to be outside. I don't know why. But something about being outdoors, not confined to a desk, makes my heart happy.

Something about the openness and brightness of being outside draws me. I remember how much time I spent outside as a kid, and I wonder what has made me a creature of four walls. 

But my heart is happy out here. 

I've been in the continual struggle of being positive or being defeated. 

With all the deadlines, early attendance, dealing with people, my own health issues I try to remember Ann Voskamps words that, "life is not an emergency." 

Recently, I've had various encounters with people, books, and posts that point to positive thinking...
I took Dr. Clifton's Strength's Finder test last week. It's a psychology test that lets you know what your top five strengths are as a person. One of my strengths is achiever. Basically, I have a strong drive to always accomplish something. I can't not do something. This strength pushes me to new tasks and new challenges. (Kind of sounds a little overbearing to me...) But that's a part of who I am, and those that know me well can't deny it either.

So I rush. I push myself. I do more work because I want to. I'm not happy if my work isn't done well.
Why? Because that's a reflection on me.

If I mess up, if I didn't make the grade I wanted, or if no one enjoyed the event I planned... then I failed, and my little achiever's heart is crushed.

Sounds like an ego problem to me.

Give me a job and I'll do it well is the cry of my drive. See? Look what I can do! I did it.
And with all the work that's been required of me lately, my achiever's heart is reeling.

King David was given a job. He needed to place the Ark of the Covenant in the tabernacle of God. The Philistines wanted to kill David, but David and his mighty men defeated the Philistines so that the Ark could be taken to where it belonged.

"And David did as God commanded him, and they struck down the Philistine army from Gibeon to Gezer. And the fame of David went out into all lands, and the Lord brought the fear of him upon all nations." 1 Chronicles 14:16,17

So he became famous.

He achieved his task and became a hero.

But do you know what David did...

Instead of reveling in his glory moment, he immediately appointed ministers and musicians and had a great big worship service. David gave thanks.

"Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!" 1 Chronicles 16:10

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!" 1 Chronicles 16:34

........that's not my typical response........


But God is changing that in me. He's helping me discover His joy in His places in His time. I go outside and look at His creation, and in my heart I am in awe.

"Let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult, and everything in it!..." 

"...then shall the trees of the forest sing for joy..." 1 Chronicles 16:32,33 

I'm finding peace in the chaos.
I am given joy instead of defeat.
I have a faithful God who loves me and draws me out of my hopelessness and saves me.

I can't keep it to myself. God is God. He is worthy of my praise and complete adoration...

Thank you Lord for changing my heart...
Thank you for giving me hope...

Help me on my journey. I forget how good You are.

"Remember the wondrous works that he has done... For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and he is to be held in awe above all gods." 1 Chronicles 16: 12, 25 

When I step out of my world long enough, I realize how vain all my work is apart from Him.

I can't help but daily give my cares, my goals, my plans, my health,... my heart... to Him.