I am too busy focusing on what's ugly. What needs improvement. What isn't right (according to MY standards...) I have a perfectionist type of personality. Always striving to do my very best, because if I don't that's a reflection on me that I just might be lazy and inadequate. Really Briana? You're a human being...
And unfortunately, this appreciation for perfection flows over into my relationships. I can be so HARSH. So condescending...
I'm not looking at the beauty, because beauty really is everywhere. I am choosing to look at what could be better, instead of loving it for what it is.
Ahh... I have it all wrong...
The other night my sister and I were hanging out at Cook Out, talking about ways we are different. Jokingly I said, "Well, you have long hair." To which she replied, "And I like Mountain Dew." Yes, we are different in those ways, but there's something else... I told Ciera, "You are a really good friend. You are nice to people that some people don't like. You're so patient. I'm not like that."
God gave her that gift; to be very tolerant of people. I know He'll use it. (See what she has to say here) www.divinelyromanced1414.blogspot.com
I have a low tolerance for people. My patience has been tried and burned in my short 19 years of life. I live with type 1 diabetes, and will for the rest of my life, unless a cure is miraculously found. I was diagnosed when I was 15, an impressionable age. I have dealt with depression, pity, loneliness, and jealousy more than I ever had before I got sick. (Hello depravity!)
In my experience in having a chronic illness, one that requires an immense amount of discipline and perseverance, I've noticed that I don't handle complainers very well. I hear perfectly healthy people complain and whine about things that I consider breezy problems... and as I am listening, my mind is burning with the desire that they would just be quiet, because they don't have to deal with being sick every. single. day...
As they are complaining, I am complaining about them complaining. Doing the very action that reels me.
Sigh...
I need some grace.
I titled this blog Kalos Hamartolos which is Greek for Beautiful Sinners. Yes, I put two very opposing words together. But we are ALL sinners. All of us. People can be so ugly and mean. So hard to love. We are all like that though, in our own ways and magnitudes. I have found though, that they only thing that makes a sinner beautiful is Christ.
Yes, I am bringing up Christianity.
Can I be completely honest here? I have been struggling with the Christian life. I find many "Christians" are not beautiful people. They are quick to judge, they harbor bitterness, they poisonously gossip, and act like they have it all, but look like they are missing something. They are mean and nasty, and can cause pointless drama...
Is that Christianity?
No, actually, that's me...
And all sinners alike.
"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." - C.S. Lewis
Ahh... there's the crux of the matter...
Forgive, and not dwell on the ugly. Christ gives beauty. It's there for us to love and enjoy and thank Him for! We just have to choose to see it...
This is my challenge. To love and give thanks for the hamartolos world.
I have read and am currently doing a small group Bible study on Ann Voskamp's book "1000 Gifts"
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_7/186-5683742-7563568?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=1000%20gifts&sprefix=1000+gi%2Caps%2C295 (Check it out on amazon here!)
It came to my hands at just the right time, and is worth every penny I spent for it.
It has challenged me to keep a gratitude journal; a daily listing of what I am thankful for, naming the gifts God freely gives me. The goal is to reach 1000 gifts. At first I wasn't serious about it; but it has made God more alive to me than ever.
Think about buying it.
I'm so glad I did.
No comments:
Post a Comment